


The Almost

by pantheon_of_discord



Series: Season 13 Codas [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: And angsty, Angst, Coda, Episode: s13e10 Wayward Sisters, F/F, I NOW LIVE THE CLAIRE x KAIA LIFE, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e10 Wayward Sisters, and also obviously I couldn't resist making the dean cas connection, and it is glorious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13416069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantheon_of_discord/pseuds/pantheon_of_discord
Summary: Dean knows he should say something, but there’s a twisted feeling in his gut that won’t go away. It’s been there since he saw Claire on the ground, weeping in Jody’s arms.





	The Almost

Sam raps soft knuckles on the bedroom door, and after a moment they hear a muffled _yeah_ from inside. Dean steps through first, and Sam follows, hunching his shoulders and pushing hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

The comforter is scrunched up beneath Claire’s curled legs, and she hastily brings one hand down from her face. She flashes them a smile, but the dark smudges of makeup beneath her eyes give her away.

“How you doin,’ kid?” Dean asks. He doesn’t need to, he knows already – but he asks.

Claire pulls in a fortifying sniff and nods once, soldier-like. “’M fine. It’s the job, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam says. His eyes are gentle, compassionate, and his smile is a grimace. “Listen, Claire, we are. . . so sorry. This life – you’re right, we lose people. But it’s always hard. Never really gets easier.”

“I know.” She won’t meet Dean’s gaze.

Dean knows he should say something, but there’s a twisted feeling in his gut that won’t go away. It’s been there since he saw Claire on the ground, weeping in Jody’s arms.

Sam glances over, but when Dean stays silent he presses on. “You did your best. You got us out of there. And Kaia –” Claire stiffens, but Sam doesn’t seem to notice. “We can’t save everybody. That’s. . . one of the hardest things we’ve had to learn. Doing this job, the people we try to protect, sometimes. . .”

There’s the briefest moment when something flickers across Claire’s face. Dean has trouble placing it at first – defiance? Guilt?

Her face is a mask of indifference again before he can decide. “Yep. Can’t save everybody, I know.”

Sam swallows. “But you saved us, Claire, and listen, thank –”

“I’m uh, I’m kinda tired,” Claire says, throwing her eyes back towards her pillow. “I’m just gonna crash. Long day and all. I’ll send you guys a postcard.”

The dismissal is clear. Sam looks like he wants to say more, but Dean gives his shoulder a little nudge.

“Okay, kid. Get some sleep.” Dean leans in and pats her foot once, then heads back out to the hall. Sam murmurs a goodbye and follows.

Hours later, just east of Omaha, Sam tilts his head from the passenger window. “You think that’s her first time?”

Dean pulls his gaze from the yellow line and throws a glance over. “First time what?”

“Losing a civilian. On a case. Think Kaia was the first one for her? I mean, there was Amelia, obviously, but. . .”

Dean’s eyes find the centre line again. “I dunno.”

Sam frowns thoughtfully, but lets it go.

It’s not Claire’s first loss. Not by a long shot. But nothing’s cut her like this before.

The curl in his gut takes shape, cold and hard and familiar, and finally Dean understands. He can’t believe it took him this long.

It’s the way Kaia pushed her clear of the blade.

The way she reached for Claire’s hand, even as blood bloomed from her side.

And the way Claire held it, gently, like it was something precious.

It’s Kaia’s small half-smile, and the dead-eyed look on Claire’s face. The way she charged at the thing that killed her. Dean had to hold her back.

Just like Sam had done to him, mere months ago.

And in her bedroom tonight, that look that flashed across her face – Dean knows that look well.

It’s regret. And it’s the _almost_.

They stop for gas a few hours out from Lebanon; Dean leans against Baby’s back bumper and pulls out his phone.

**hey, keep a close eye on her. i think this kaia thing is more than we thought it was.**

Sam comes out of the Gas ‘n Sip, arms laded, just as Jody replies.

**I know. We got her.**

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I am ALL ABOARD the Claire x Kaia train.  
> And Wayward is amazing I'll take ten thank you.
> 
> I am on [le tumblr.](https://pantheonofdiscord.tumblr.com) I'd love to be your friend.


End file.
